Mizu Kagami
by Shou Rei
Summary: To the person who will find my mask, I wish you enlightenment.


**A/N**: This is a tribute for Ri Houjun otherwise known as Chichiri of Fushigi Yuugi. Also, this is my assignment for my writing class. Please R&R and tell me whacha think! Thank you!

**Disclaimer**: I'm not that great to own them…yet…

**Mizu-Kagami**

'_Tonight, the moon freely crosses the unclouded sky; and the stars, they glitter like the gems that they truly are. What a heavenly sight this is. I never though that I can see the night sky in a beautiful state such as this.'_

I thought to myself as I walked toward the palace gardens. It was the perfect time for meditation. Not only was the time perfect, but the place as well. The garden was in a blissful state, something only heaven could attain. The soft breeze caresses my body gently as my hair dances in synch with its melodious tone. The fireflies were illuminating the garden, giving life to everything they touch. The small pond was quite the sight, and the night sky was being reflected on it. Small ripples began to form as the wind blew softly, and the _koi_ started to stir up the pond. They were somewhat restless. Still, everything blended in well.

"I should have brought some bread for the koi no da. It might have calmed them down a bit no da."

I murmured as I watched them swim by without a care. With one last look at my surroundings I took a sit on my usual stone near the pond. I wanted to reflect on the things that happened to me.

'_I'm still alive…but why…' _

I asked myself as I took of my mask. I gazed at it intently, its crescent fox eyes and foxy smile reflecting my carefree side.

'_What does it mean to live, to be alive?'_

I mused in my head, still keeping my gaze on my mask, its cheerful smile making me frown.

"First. To live is to experience pain."

I told my self as I caressed my mask. This mask is my sole comfort in order to hide my pain. And when I remember pain, the only question that comes to mind is:

"Why did you betray me?"

_ Just as thunder and lightning crashed to the earth, oceans of rain began to pour from the heavens. The trees lining the riverbank moaned in agony as the fierce winds shook them. The river grew visibly deeper by the second. In a flash, lives were taken away mercilessly._

_Two young men stood at the edge of the river bank. One was managing to balance himself, avoiding the fall while the other was clutching a dagger, ready to strike at any given minute._

"_Why…why did you betray me?!"_

_The young man asked as he held his dagger, his fists shaking in rage as he looked at the other youth with hate and jealousy. _

"…"

_Silence. _

_He didn't answer._

_In an act of desperation he pinned him down, grabbed his right arm, and thrust his dagger at his chest, but still he said nothing._

"_Give her…give her back to me!"_

_The river surged up along with his voice. Soon enough they lost their footing in the mud-slide and the wounded boy's body was swept into the river's currents. _

"_Houjun…help me!"_

_The boy yelled through unintentional gulps of water, and by instinct, Houjun reached for his ex-friend's hand. The two boys held on tightly. Houjun had no intention of letting him go. He didn't care about the horrible things his ex-friend did. It was clear that he didn't want him to die. But fate was cruel._

_Blood._

_Houjun felt himself limp to the ground, his left eye permanently injured. _

"_Everyone's gone…Hikoh, Koran, my family…they're all dead…" _

_He said blankly, his right eye wide due to shock and disbelief while his blood continued to trickle down his face. Houjun then stood up, the same blankness taking over his devastated frame as he looked at the river. Hikou's body was gone. Hadn't that log ravaged his left eye, his friend would have been saved. The worst part of it was that, he was the one and only survivor of that immense disaster._

"If only I hadn't let go of your hand. You'd still be alive…right, Hikoh?"

I asked myself as a few tears escaped my right eye. If I had the powers that I have right now, I would have been able to save him—them, and now my only regret was bringing my self to hate him.

Pain is a part of everyone's life. I can't imagine someone who can't feel pain. It's just not possible. You'd have to be dead for you to not feel pain…

"Second. To live is to attain fulfillment."

I mused quietly trying to reflect on the things that had happened a few years back. I placed my mask beside me and let myself relax a bit. The previous thought somehow shook me. I was reminded that once in my life I had been a murderer…

I then looked at the stars and admired their celestial glow. They were embedded in the heavens, and yet I felt as if they were just a few inches away. I wanted to reach for one of them. And then, I saw my star sign—_Sho_ or "well". Then, I smiled. The moment I lived my life as "Chichiri", my whole life became a big fulfillment.

"I have friends who accept me for who I am and love me because of me. Everything I've ever wished for is already fulfilled. There's no need to ponder on that anymore."

I said as I realized one of the greatest joys that I've encountered so far. Even monks like me think of simple explanations in order to ease our minds.

I know what fulfillment is now, but is it enough to say that you're alive?

"Okay, third. Being alive is feeling the sensation of death."

I thought about this for a moment. Well, literally speaking, it's true. If you can't feel what death is, then how can you distinguish life from death?

_"I'm going…to join you now…" _

_Then Hojun spoke the name of his late-friend. _

_"Hikoh…" _

_Three years had passed now since that great flood had destroyed his home. The single question that began all of the sorrow and regret of Ri Hojun's last three years was asked once again to his friend. _

_"This time for sure, please give me an answer. Tell me why you betrayed me…" _

_Clasping both hands in front of his chest, Hojun flung his body into the muddy, rushing waters of the river. _

_In the instants that followed, the faces of everyone in that village whom he had loved flashed before him. His father whom he respected greatly, his gentle mother, his playful and loving little sister…The smiles of the other three members of his family, his ex-friend Hikoh's manly smile and quiet eyes. _

_And then… _

_The face of the one he loved from his heart… No, he was certain that she had loved him, too. The beautiful face of his childhood sweetheart… _

_Slowly drowning and being carried away by the river's currents, Houjun's mind was set on dying. For three years he had carried such pain in his heart, and his only way of atonement was to kill himself. His guilt, his pain, all of it will soon be washed away along with everything else that he had—his life and his dignity._

"And yet, I'm sitting right here…alive. I'm so pathetic. I couldn't even kill myself."

I said with a sad smile. I really thought I was gonna die. The feeling was there. When I threw myself against the raging currents, I felt as if the hand of death was grasping my neck; his fingers were hastily intertwining with my body that even struggling was hard. Death was claiming me with haste, but in the end I still survived. _Suzaku_ just couldn't let me die before I could fulfill the part that He wishes me to play. But still, I felt what death was like. There was nothing in this living world that compared to it. Even as monk, I cannot fully explain the sensation of death, and yet I can remember it clearly and perfectly…

"The fourth is to feel the sensation of being alive itself."

Somehow, I feel as if this statement is very contrary to what I've said earlier. It just goes to show that life and death cannot be separated from each other.

_"I thought I threw myself into the river… Am I dead, then? Or else…" _

_Hojun tried to pull himself into a sitting position. _

_"…Ungh!…" Needles of pain shot through his body. As his body sank back into bed, he heard the sound of someone frantically running up to him. _

_"What do you think you're doing?! You need to rest!!" _

_The cute, yet strong face of a young teen-aged girl glared down at Hojun. _

_"You've broken your right arm and left leg. In addition, you're severely bruised all over. You're lucky to be alive!" _

_"Am I… Am I… Am I alive…then?…" _

_The face that had been glaring at Hojun melted into a smile. "Yes. You're not in Heaven or Hell, but in Seisen Village!" _

_"Seisen Village…" _

_Once again, Hojun glanced at his surroundings. The room he was in was very cozy-looking. From his bedside window, he could see the beautiful white flowers of a pear tree outside. If he listened carefully, he could hear the faint murmur of a river, and the chirping of birds. If the girl had not told him otherwise, he would have assumed such a peaceful, quiet place like this really was Heaven. _

_"Ahhhh, but I'm sure glad you're awake." _

_Hojun asked the ever-smiling girl above him, "Doesn't my face…make you feel scared or disgusted…?" _

_The girl cocked her head as if to say "why should it?" _

A smile suddenly tugged on my lips. I hadn't forgotten about her, the young and feisty girl who had the same name as my dead fiancée, Koran. After my near death experience I was found by her or should I say that…she saved me. Actually, she was the one who dragged me out of that river. Although she was a frank little girl, she was really kind. She helped me get better. Koran was there when I was injured; she nursed me back to health and made me feel alive again. Not only was she there, but so was her father who is known as Oh Kenmin and the other village people. They really helped me move on.

"I'm sure Koran is happy now."

I said as I looked at my fox-faced mask. Koran had a fiancé named Ryuu Shuusei. This guy reminded me of Hikoh a lot, since he looked like him…and the fact that he resembled Hikoh in almost everyway didn't help either. Still, I wish for their happiness.

Being alive is being able to care for others and being able to feel the love that they share with you. But that's not all. Being alive is also feeling physical pain and other things that are only naturally felt. I believe that's the essence of feeling that you are alive, the sensation of living.

'_Lastly, being alive is to find the true purpose of being alive.'_

This, I said in my mind, reflecting on it with much care. I have endured so much pain and suffering. I've also suffered from grief, regret and jealousy. But despite every terrible thing that had happened to me, I'm happy. In fact I'm glad that it happened…well, not really…but still…

I've grown to be a more mature person than I was eight years ago. I'm now capable of forgiving those that have scarred me the most. I've learned to trust and to be trusted. I was able to help those people who were in need and most importantly, I was able to move on. Move on along with the help of my friends. It felt great and it still feels that way!

I was given a second life not for revenge, but for forgiveness. This is my new way of atonement, helping others in anyway that I can. I am no longer the jealous and selfish Houjun. Now, I am the selfless and happy-go-luck monk, Chichiri. The only thing I want is for others to understand that life is a wonderful thing and is not to be wasted. Wars, inside and out never helped anyone resolve a greater evil, it just makes everything worse.

Being alive is to be able to make other people understand that one shouldn't loose faith in the people that surrounds them. When people cease to care about others, these people and everyone else is a good as dead. A person cannot live in mere regret and rage forever. There is always a time when everyone will come to understand the essence of life. The essence of being alive is for all of us to make each other happy. That is a person's true purpose for living.

"_Koran… The reason I originally came back to this village was to thank you…" _

_"Thank me…?" _

_Hojun nodded. _

_"Three years ago, when I had lost my will to live in depression, you brought me out of it…. And you also reminded me of what I had forgotten… Thank you, Koran." _

_Koran smiled and slowly drew her arms around Hojun. _

_Hojun panicked and looked at Shuusei. Having heard about Hojun's past from Koran, Shuusei awkwardly coughed and turned his back on the two. _

_"…Hojun," Koran softly whispered in Hojun's ear. _

_"Hold me tight… Pretend I'm your Koran…" _

_"…Koran" _

_Inside of Hojun's heart, something hot, painful, and nostalgic flowed. _

_"Wo ai ni… I love you…" Koran said in Hojun's arms. _

_From Hojun's eye, a single teardrop fell quietly. _

The moment I remembered Koran's kind gesture, I felt myself crying again. The pain inside my heart was slowly resurfacing but quickly fading. I then smiled another smile, but this time it was gentler.

"Its time that I move on…"

I mused as I brought my mask at eye level. Its smiling face was the same. From the first time I saw and received it, up to present time, it had stayed the same.

"Thank you…but its time that I left the past behind me and start a new."

I spoke to it softly as a lone tear trickled down my cheek. Soon, I wiped it away. The wind was blowing a bit harshly now. And with that I let my mask fly away with the cold night breeze. I closed my eye as I tugged on my prayer beads for a moment and offered a prayer. Soon after, I gazed at the pond. I could see myself clearly. My right eye was slanted just like before, but it seemed calmer now. Then I saw my scarred left eye. It was my every reminder of what I was at real time and what I was before; a souvenir from what I used to be and what I have become. I then gave a gentle smile at my reflection. This was the first time I saw myself without any sign of regret for being left alive.

I was now a person who is capable of loving and being loved; a person who can feel other people's pain and happiness. I am one who can keep on believing as long as I have people to believe in—as long as I have myself to believe in. I'm a person who fears death, yet ready to face it in troubled times. I'm someone who can understand what living is all about and understand that not everything is purely meant for joy. Being alive is having the balance of pain and fulfillment. Being alive is being able to distinguish life from death and…to understand what you're truly living for. In my case I'm alive in order to make my friends happy; in order to protect them so they won't have to experience the things I did. I've shared everything with them through thick and thin, and we've been together for such a long time now.

I gained what I've lost and remembered what I've long forgotten… and with that I know…

"I'm alive."


End file.
